23 in 2018: An Introspection

It’s been a long time since I’ve sat down and just wrote about how I’m feeling. Back when I had a blog as a high school project, that’s all I really wrote about. Now I feel I have a following, however small it may be, that are expecting something beyond that whenever I post to my website. They’re looking for news about a new music release or an update. Well, I suppose this is an update in a way.

There was a time back in my sophomore year in high school where I couldn’t imagine my life without writing. I did it constantly—mainly fiction and poetry, but I also maintained a blog using Blogspot before I’d even entered high school. I was an active member on a teen-oriented writing website called Figment, where I had around 100 followers before finally deleting my account after I’d been idle for several years. At that point, I was sure I would go on to become an author, and I was confident in my abilities. I loved to create, to admire the beauty in what I saw in the world around me, and to share it, no matter what format it was in.

As I was sitting at my desk chair a few minutes ago, I was looking for something to watch, or perhaps a game I felt like playing. In reality, I was desperately searching for something to distract myself with, because as I’d been musing about how my 23rd birthday is closer than I realized, I’d finally come to terms with something I don’t think I’ve wanted to for a while. In April, I will be 23 years old. Then 24, and then 25.

And then I’m halfway through my twenties, looking back on them as I approached 30. I’m no longer a kid.

Of course, practically speaking, I’ve known that for four years now. I’d graduated high school and been through 3½ years of college. I’d even passed the age where I it was legal for me to drink alcohol. However, even at my age, you still feel like you’re in that rambunctious young adult stage where you have your whole life ahead of you, and truth be told (unless something tragic happens), I still do. However, that lifetime isn’t somewhere in the far-flung future. That time is now.

This leads me to my previous point of loving to seek out beauty and to create. I don’t know what caused it, but it’s been years since I’ve really delved deep into that part of myself. Maybe it was maturity, or maybe it was the daunting transition into adulthood. Tragedies like the passing of Nora more than likely attributed to it in some degree. She was so full of a love for life and creativity, that when she died, she took with her a piece of that joyful artistry in me.

I’m ready to return to that place, now. Even though it’s frigid and grey outside, I’m ready for the thaw. I want to create, and share it with the world. When it comes to music, I’ve already decided that I want to expand into more popular genres such as electronic music, which I really enjoy. Cloudland Connections will still be a project I’ll be working toward, but if I really want to overcome the hurdles and earn money from my work, I’ll need to think bigger. I also hope to post more frequent updates here, as a way to connect with other people even when it has nothing to do with music.

Brace yourself, 2018. My name is Liam Cullins, and here I come.